Taking care of dad is a bit like working on the road with shows and/or doing research in sleep deprivation. When someone is going to pass, you have a choice to allow them to go home, or sit in a nursing home or a geriatric ward. If you haven't visited either of the last two, it is a great experience in seeing what a lot of society doesn't want to see or deal with.
I was talking to a friend whose father was in a similar situation as my dad, and he was in a nursing home where his possession mysteriously disappears each day. It had me reaffirm the idea that whatever dad needs I will do my best to allow him to pass here. truth is that I figured he was gone a few weeks ago, but I remember as he was going, mom blurted out, "but I promised I would take him home!"
Thy psychology of health, function, dysfunctional life of humans has always fascinated me. Particularly in the ambient or subconscious area. Ever get a message from someone that is all about criticism of you, yet, they never say anything about themselves? This is probably the biggest issue with communication and people. Instead of healing ourselves first, we want to find someone else to fix us. That recipe is a disaster waiting to happen.
With sleep deprivation, I think I made it 5 days with some research. I have to check, as it might only be 3 days, but much like extreme fasting – with sleep deprivation, your body does some terrible things to itself.
· you are prone to make mistakes
· you get dumber
· you will cause health problems – mental and physical
· it is depressing, tiring
· your skin ages and your brain cells don't get a chance to shrink/rest
· your forget
· you can quickly gain weight
· your judgment is impaired
· you can soon become more irritable
In the past few years, I have tried to get a schedule and discipline of habits to do each day as a way to keep myself centered and balanced. This is prayer, meditation, physical fitness, and trying to get to bed and sleep within my circadian rhythm cycle. If you do this, you are more prone to getting into the zone (that's what I call it) that today is hyped as a flow state.
Why do this? It really works and makes you more balanced. I don't know or feel the idea of micro-dosing life like I see in silicon valley is all that great for a human in the long run. It is like the new meatless burger fad in stores. It appears you are changing one version of processed food for another and thinking it is healthier. When you read the labels, it really doesn't seem all that much healthier.
So yes, the past 9 weeks, have been a slow erosion and battle where I was almost in a great space with physical fitness and meditation health, and then dad declined. What I notice and see clearly is how easy it is to get sucked into another's stuff. As a caregiver, it would be so easy to lose yourself for the sake of another. I had a sales trainer once that said, and it was similar to the oxygen mask in a plane falling…" take care of yourself first, so you can give and be better at caring for others."
In modern society, I wonder who is caring for others as it appears we are more selfish and narcissistic as a society – yet – if you get out of the media limelight and hype – the world is full of people all helping and caring for their fellow human being. My hope is restored in humanity a bit with watching the people helping people.
I was always taught to win a war, you didn't kill everyone, but instead created such carnage of wounded people that resources and supplies would drain your opponent in caring for them. It is a great way to win a war. The downside is from a humanitarian area, you intentionally maim and would another. in the old days it was shrapnel or a cut. Modern warfare will be about minds, psychology, emotions, and human senses. This area, we learned a ton about with manipulating emotions for heightened entertainment purposes. You see the bigger picture and trajectory being played out at a global scale with the coming robot and advanced greed.
Notice how tired I am? Usually, I am thinking spatially at all subjects, but today, my mind is about as sharp as a dull knife. I am fighting to gain back my balance while life is throwing me situations to try to keep me off balance, be it other people, circumstances, a dad dying, and all the obligations of life.
What it does do is allow you to focus on what is the priority. There is basically one thing, and that is getting dad from here to another place in as comfortable a way as possible. all the drama with other personalities, fears, insecurities, and other psychological issues will always be there – but It isn't for me to change them
I am not responsible for other's emotions. By that, I found this quote, "Every emotion is valid. We all have our own truth regarding our emotions, and that's why it's not up to someone else to make us feel worthy, validated, or happy. It's on us. And no one can make you feel stupid, ugly, or not good enough. We allow ourselves to feel that way. But we don't have to choose those feelings. And no one is making us feel that way.
You are the only person that can make yourself happy. You have to choose that emotion, and realize you are the only one responsible for it."
It took me many years to get a clue what that really means. Either I am weird, or I question the "why?" too much in a capitalistic/consumer society. It was only when I traveled around the planet that I realized how we are wasting and taking for granted just how decent life is in the united states.
through it all – and oddly the mixing of burning man and Greek monks in the middle of two deserts – what I have come to is that you have to learn, grow, change (internally) each day instead of continually seeking the external fame/adulation/ego and pride of the world.
No wonder it is getting lonely lately. It also has me realize the internal fitness and woo woo rooms are more important for human health today. I just don't know how many people will admit they need to improve themselves, much less want to. Time will tell.
what I have noticed is the high cost of treating the symptoms for profit in modern American medicine versus simple common sense ways to live a healthier and higher quality of life with everyone taking some time to balance themselves, versus thinking a pill or medicine will cure them.
no clue on what this ramble is about - get some sleep!