My life has become what appears to be a series of two-hour slots with naps sometimes included within those intervals. I don’t get the drugs, dad does. When one day ends, I just repeat the cycle as if loading up the chemical cocktails to keep my dad comfortable. I can't say the skills I am learning are a lot of fun, but they give me a greater respect for people working in healthcare.
The area I am more versed in is the psychology and the dynamics of the people and players with the area of grief, control, letting go, and suffering. We all have our "stuff" that we deal with, yet, it amazes me how little of our stuff we tend to try to work on and develop from a weakness to a strength.
Then again, in the USA, we tend to exploit our strengths at the expense of our weaknesses. The old men in the dessert say it is better to have a little of all, than an abundance of one thing because pride will tend to destroy you.
dad just pulled off his oxygen mask. "why did you do that?" Is met with a communication that is more like going to a foreign land and you have to use hands and facial emotions to figure out what he is thinking and meaning. I am miffed that he is suffering and mom is not letting go.
Many hold tight to their fears, unaware that they are hurting another and causing suffering. Some people think that is love, when the reality is letting go is actually love. I will never profess to know or understand the bonds of a couple that was together over 60 years, but I do see what happens when one holds on and doesn't let go.
"Dad is in pain?"
"Mom, every time we move him, change him. you don't see?"
We are all blind. We all have blind spots. But I am tired of the world, allowing fear to hold back genuine love.
Back to the two-hour sessions. Some sleep would help a great deal.