My aunt visited dad, and we had a friendly chat. I don’t know if people ask, “how are you doing?” because they care? Or perhaps I look like a zombie in the apocalypse trying to gain some balance in life while helping to take care of a person, who can’t take care of themselves. It is so easy to get sucked into the emotions of life, not sleeping or doing the little things to take care of yourself. I call it watching people circling the drain. She calls it the vortex.
I have a few people close to me in their own vortex’s. basically anytime life throws you off track with the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual elements to balance yourself in a world that can appear more like the Ozzy Osbourne song, “crazy train.”
There are times in your life when you don’t get that ideal schedule or plan to keep the balance. Traumatic events that strike that have you more in survival mode than living. I still remember 9-11 and that thanksgiving my brother laughing hysterically about my stress levels with the crash of everything around me and reading the top 10 stressful things that can happen in life – of which one out to the ten was hard.
“Dude, you should be dead! you have had 9 out of 10 things happen to you this year!”
It wasn’t a prize or some badge of honor for me. all my life I had been taught to “go down with the ship!” or in sports, “never quit!” It amazed me how much one has beyond their known reserves inside themselves. It was also exhausting to circle the drain and ride in the “vortex.”
guess what folks, there is no shame in retreating to fight another day.
Perhaps I just stumbled on the core of what I am thinking and feeling today. When you get off balance, don’t get enough sleep, forget to exercise, meditate and pray. It is really easy for your mind to get off balance, and when that happens. My God, what people think and say is astounding.
yesterday I read a note from someone to me that I had to send on to a few other people and ask, “wtf do you respond, if at all, to someone saying and thinking this?”
We all want a nice, fun and happy life. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is nice to have. yet, it is when life throws you curveballs and events that you have no control that you are tested with the idea of, “are you ok with ambiguity, imperfection, and not being in control?”
It amazes me how people crack with what appears a small variant from their core beliefs. I guess that is what I mean when I believe to love with an open hand takes all of life and puts it in the control of yourself and what you can do. It doesn’t have an iron grip and hold on with fear.
my dad just asked, “how do I get out of here?” mind you, he is too frail and weak to break out of bed and let him have a moment. (although I am thinking about how to break him out and get him in a wheelchair to get on the back deck and enjoy the chipmunkitos, squirrelitos, and birditos that are in his beloved yard.)
“well pops, the way to get out of here is to let go and go with god simply.” it was so odd for those words to come out of my mouth, but in essence that is his way out. then I asked him to imagine a world with no greed, pride, pain, ego, lying, cheating, stealing, and hoarding.
he shrugged his shoulders and thought about it.
“doesn’t sound too bad, huh?”
We are all humans, all imperfect, and all flawed. I was talking to a young man that is open to letting me have some space in his barn to build a few prototypes, as I am here longer than anticipated. he made a comment about helping others, and I think something came out with, ‘I was a ruthless bastard and really good in business not so long ago, and then God got a hold of me and asked me to change a bit. now we build things that can help others.
He laughed. Yet, what I was saying wasn’t all that far from the truth. In the eyes of the world, I was doing really well, but guess what, I was empty inside. Today, I walk around, and the world probably looks at me like some odd, strange man.
“Why do you want to keep growing and changing? that is a lot of work!”
I am ok with that. When you find your passion in life, it no longer is work. Over time you also realize that the discipline to keep you balanced is what will allow you to get through the worst that life can offer. And the closing piece of wisdom is that I know I can’t do this alone – it requires constant help from something that we can’t quantify in scientific terms yet. I call it “god.
One day I might get a clue or two of actually loving with a pure heart and an open hand. Truth is that It might not be here on this planet when I realize that. it is like dad asking, “how do I get out of here?”
there is nothing wrong with building up a sweet predictable life, but in doing that, how much of life do you really miss because you want to try to control your life?