The hum of the originator provides an eerie almost science fiction appeal to the house. Every few moments, the pump kicks in with a distinctive, yet, oddly soothing “chit-paw” noise. It is 5 am, and I got up to make coffee. My mom is sitting with dad on his bed, and he is taking his time to wake up from what appears to be more sleep than usual. I am wondering what is wrong with my body, but I remember I slept on the floor and/or couch the past few nights. I need to go to the gym and do a full stretch program
The beauty of yesterday was a lot of families came to visit dad. The cool part is that he was able to talk and say hello to all. He knew where he was, and he simply had a beautiful day.
Mom is going back to get some much-needed sleep. My nephew is blowing my mind with how he has grown up. The air force has been good for him. I listen to the ventilator compete with the coffee machine. While I am up a bit earlier than usual, I am doing this writing
My most significant observation in death is that makes people so uncomfortable. In some respects, I get sad, in that what I am watching my father is really a beautiful thing when you get rid of all the human fears and emotion. each person is different and it continually amazes me how when you take anyone out of their known world that they spent a great deal of time to make it comfortable and a sort of fortress in thinking one could somehow escape the realities of life with entertainment and luxury – well – I think those people feel the shock or in a more extreme way
I am not sure if it is a habit? Or just some psychological clock where I get up and walk into dads room to make sure he is actually sleeping. This is the time I so love in the morning, albeit, under slightly different circumstances. Life for a while will be, “is what it is.” There really is no firm plan or control over anything except make someone as comfortable as possible with the time that remains.
People keep asking me how I am? Truth is it feels like I am on the road with shows again. I don’t know what day it is, or where I am, but things are all getting done, and at the end of the day you fall into bed (or couch/floor) and sleep for a bit. Wake up and repeat.
What i am witnessing are the hidden gifts and things I forgot about with the passing of friends and girlfriends that transpired earlier in my life.
I guess it is the reality that there is nothing to fear with death.
The fear of God? Well, I have plenty of that. I guess that is the beginning of wisdom.
but what really is surprising me, and perhaps it is because I am working on the woo woo rooms, is that I realize how much work everyone can do to really improve themselves and the quality of their lives, and how few really want to do more than simply create a cocoon of faux security that they live within.
Either that or I have seen too much on the planet and perhaps am brain damaged from American football. Time will tell.
Now on to the brainstorm – as it is the first time in a few days, I am alone and in silence. just me and the hum and the “chit-paw” of the oxiginator seeming to say, “just keep working on it all.”