I have to confess, I am in a bit of a fog in not knowing what day it is, and not knowing how long dad has left on this planet. I can say I do know he is pleased to be at his home, and right now it is fine as there is a cavalcade of family around and visiting. I know that in a few days it will be silent and I get to hang with hospice and mom till whenever the passing comes along.
For now, the doctor said, "make him comfortable…give him whatever he wants." they have a bunch of things for sedation and comfort, but really no more treatment. The first order of the day was to have his beloved hot dog. I am not sure if I am going to post that photo, or the one I loved of him when he got home, or another touching one of him leaning into his grandson this morning.
Life is pretty simple. Do you have food, shelter, water, and love? There is a lot of love around, and it frustrates me where humans are heading in society. At least he won't have to live out the lunacy of where the short term society is heading with technology.
So this morning, I witnessed a beautiful moment with a grandfather and his grandson. I was up early and sitting in the room, praying. Dad was in a position that he must have scooted on his side, and his head was resting on one of the arm rails. I thought about moving him, but he was sleeping so nicely. about 4 am was the coughing spell with the trip to the bathroom and chairs falling over (not a problem. life at night is a series of naps anymore)
I digressed. So there was a grandfather and his grandson. Just a simple hug and chat. I got to witness it, and I have to question where on earth dad became funny with his one-liners? Who knows he had a sense of humor?
But that is where we are today. He is doing fine. Saying his goodbyes and the end will happen when it happens.
What do I get out of it? Aside from learning to really cook with spices and no salt – I get to witness a priceless full circle journey from life to death. I have seen enough death where I am ok with it, and I have faith that wherever we go from here is a zillion time more fantastic than where we are in our human forms. Then I ponder the size of the cosmos, the subatomic, and everything in between.
I think we can do much better as humans, I just don't see it really ever-changing or evolving in the way of love, instead, I see people living more in fear.
Lately, I have been questioning religion. Not from the message of love, but from the standpoint of bringing better tools into the church for the healing of hearts, soul, and body.
you really have to lose it all, and/or give it all away to understand why I have typed that last sentence.
we take for granted how fortunate we are.
Forgive me, I forgot the meaning of church today. As I was praying this morning, it all went astray as the house woke up. I was going to church to get the legal documents for the "do not resuscitate" forms that we need with all the beau acracy that seems to cover over common sense like an avalanche in the alps.
Yesterday was his beloved "hot dog" and for breakfast, a plate with his other food group love, "bacon" showed up, and he ate a few pieces, and we just chatted. I am sure God understood that church can happen anytime, anyplace, and anywhere. of course, I don't know if religion wants you to realize that?
as for the photo today. i actually like it. sure, it isn’t perfect, but that was the first time i have seen him sleeping peacefully in an a week.