I thought we lost dad yesterday at the hospital. He is going into hospice care, and I remember going to tear apart a room so we could bring in the hospital equipment later in the afternoon and getting a sinking feeling that this would be his last ride home. Sort of like a funeral train of the days of old. I was lamenting not having tools handy, then I remembered, “dud, dad has tools” and as I was at my car, I heard the voice of my sister in law, who had just pulled in from a 4-hour drive.
I left my coffee cup on top of my car, and I took her up to dad room, and it was amazingly somber as his numbers were dropping like a rock and my brother is a nurse and said, “I think it is time.”
So we sat there while he looked like he was fighting to sleep and going to sleep forever. It was like a Norman Rockwell version of a painting called the hospital bed. Everyone was around him, and they were giving him some meds to take the edge off any pain.
he wakes up and looks at me, “I think there is something in the bag.”
“there is a bag on the table.”
I am looking around trying to find a bag sitting on his table with his drinks.
“what bag, dad?”
And then I see it. It was the tiny bag with the macadamia nut cookie in it that he didn’t eat yesterday.
“Are you kidding me. you remembered you had a cookie left?’
he smiled and got a grin on his face.
That's when I believe i got through the depression stage to the acceptance statge and then went and tore apart a bedroom t hospice folks came to let the hospice people deliver fun things to play with. It also was that period where I passed from stage #4 depression to acceptance.
Now if only mom can move forward. The hard part is when you are with someone for 60 years, it is easier said than done. I think out of everyone, mom is having the hardest time right now. A part of me wonders if she is still in the denial stage, as her emotional makeup has you not wanting to even be around her and the “control” issues of her doing things to avoid the reality of what is happening.
maybe I should make some macadamia cookies for her.
Dad will be “home’ in a few moments. I am not sure if this his last ride here, but the staging area for him to go on a journey to his other home up in heaven.
When you pull back from the reality of it all. It is beautiful to watch and witness.