“the trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” Norman Vincent peale
there is an element of my personality, a trait actually, that I simply want to understand things and look at a situation from different perspectives, other people think it is confrontational, making big moves out of trivial matters. the irony is I only want to understand things more clearly. what it does act as a trigger for whatever bomb may reside inside insecure people.
does anyone really like to hear negative criticism? not really. I can find a long list of things that are more fun and entertaining to hear than how what you did, created, tried to make, or did make are not really all that great or hot. humans tend to have a pride issue and the other irony we have as a species is how many will go to great lengths to put on actually makeup, and/or accouterments of make-up – aka- “stuff.” to somehow make oneself feel good about being human. it really makes little sense when you get older, “why did I do that, act that way, or believe that when I was younger?”
yes, wisdom sometimes has you look at yourself and go, “dang, what a fool!”
I seem to be having a time where I am triggering a lot of these feelings in people who want to build an idea or a dream, who can’t give me straight answers to how they want to build or do something. it is ironic, in that I can see myself with older and wiser people years ago while I explained what I was trying to do. they probably all saw an unbridled horse that could and wanted to run, but didn’t have the skills of how to run. in hindsight, based on all the ideas, projects, prototypes, trials, successes and failure in the past 30 years (I call it 60-90 because I would put in three times the work vs a 9-5 type worker)
the last line has me want to call Tony Robbins. yes, 30 -35 years ago I read many of his books and when you combined it with high-performance athletic training – you realized that we all have talents, some more than others, some different than others. but if you don’t use them, or use them only when you “feel” like doing something, you probably are doing yourself a huge injustice. one line that still resonates with me is how Tony Robbins became a dynamic public speaker. “everyone else was talking 2-3 times a week…I was booking myself 2-3 times a day to get the experience and practice.”
I learned that working hard is something that will get you far. there is the discipline to that work that will get you the furthest. it isn’t when you “feel” like doing it. but rather, constantly trying to grow each day, even if it means a short-term sacrifice while the world goes off on instant gratification binges.
many times I wish I knew how to teach this? or is this something some people are inherently born with? what I do realize is there are a whole lot more people who probably need or desire to change, than the fewer actually doing the work to change, of which, the hardest part is probably to look inside yourself, take a good hard look at the strengths and weaknesses and realize you are simply a human being…while it is nice to hear praise and be told how wonderful/amazing/super-duper you are…the reality is most of us probably are far from perfect.
when you get to that point in your life, I think your life becomes much easier as you realize you don’t have to carry around that rucksack of the image and makeup bullshit you have been carrying around. you drop it, feel so much lighter and then look back and say, “why was I carrying that around anyway?”
coming to that space is a blessing, in that you probably will stop judging others and being critical of them because you are too busy looking at yourself and ways to take your talents and balance them with being the best human being you can.”
it also allows you to see the same weaknesses in others that you had. I am not sure it is mirroring? but when you move forward to making a weakness more of a strength, you do develop a sense of compassion or empathy for others. it seems to go against everything you are taught with high-performance training and exploiting only your strengths at the expense of your weaknesses.
I was reading a book about the desert fathers, or the ascetics from 300 ad that went out into the desert to come to a place of inner reality. you can see this with Buddhist monks silently waiting in meditation to hear the voice of God. I just watched a video of one of the more amazing people in have met on the planet, a nun who somehow goes between the Catholic church, doctrine and rules to work and live in the world with kids that come from the poorest, orphaned, and sex trade world that exists off camera to the 1st world. in this world we like to commodify vices as somehow “ok,” or a “business transaction” with no victims.
funny how we can rationalize harmful or unhealthy behaviors and habits as normal.
with that, I guess it is time to take the research from the 1990’s and try to apply it to helping people heal. the first versions might seem more like entertainment and spa fun…but it is a path to that place where someone might drop the rucksack of makeup and say, “why was I carrying that around all this time?”
if one or two people can change….then I would think something really great has happened.