today, I spent most of the day doing something that probably would not be classified as fun by sitting in the woods in cold weather wondering if I could actually shoot a deer after all the spiritual work in the past 20 years. it also was a time where I went to get as far out of the noise of the world as possible. the time with the family in the middle of nowhere wild west is not how I would do a trip alone. for that, it would be much simpler and more adventurous with going way off the beaten path and spending more time with sunrises and sunset.
when I get into the world of man and study the behaviors of how many of us live our lives in a seeming gerbil wheel of consumption and attach the label, “life” to it. I have to remind myself that what many are living, I used to think was life myself. somewhere there was a change that went beyond just what exists within one's human senses and we have the ability to grow and change ourselves each day we live.
what I have asked learned psychologists for and not gotten one actual answer is, “what percentage of the population wants to change some form of behavior in their life at any time, and how many will actually try to take a step? how many will succeed?”
this question has been bugging me, as we can all make guesses to this number, but accurate numbers or some benchmark are simply masked behind at least in the USA – we want to lead with only our strengths and bury any weaknesses.
“look at me! look what I have! look at how cool so I am!” and yet, you look in their eyes and want to ask, “so what? I would really rather know a bit of who you are and not what make up you have applied to your life.”
I guess that is what nature does and/or forces people to do. you have to sit with yourself and get your mind to slow down from all the stuff of the normal noise man has created. you find yourself giggling at the different perspective of the mathematical design of each tree or plant, the funny behavior of a critter and or the realization how our hearing, smell and vision are tending to be dumbed down by living in our world where we are ever increasingly taking a pill, medicating any pain, and/or just wanting to push a button like a Pavlovian rat and have some instant gratification with a myriad of vices available to anyone these days.
so what does this have to do? well, I went hunting with my father, and the big question I had was one where, “could I kill a deer anymore?” I know it sounds odd, as in the past, pulling the trigger was a no brainer. today? well, yes, I did learn I can still pull the trigger, but what I have also learned is the world is sucked into the habits of its way of life.
“what do you mean, putting on the make-up (both literal and figurative) is not going to help change anyone to becoming more honest with themselves.”
maybe that is what came out of that deer yesterday. I feel a bit like some old native American of old, “don’t waste, don’t horde, share with others.”
and that…is what that deer is going to be used for. I can’t waste things anymore and I realize how little one needs to really be happy. maybe that is the lesson I learned walking around the planet and trying to live the way the world says if success and then changing some things to try to walk the same paths out in a different way
a big part of this was nature itself, going out into it, the desert and having to take off all that makeup and start moving in a path to be true to me, and try not to judge else – no matter how easy the people in the world can make that. the reality is behind all the “stuff” and odd behavior is a human being with the capability for great good.
we tend to think we are good. but when you go out into nature and that desert – you realize that devoid of your makeup – you probably aren’t’ all that special. our minds like to overtake our hearts in saying, “all is good, no need to change anything!”
maybe that is the answer to why people don’t want to change?