The process for a man strip off, or allow the blinders he has upon his heart and soul to be taken so he can actually see all of himself, as if in a mirror is rare. Should one get to this place where all the "make up" is off, all the material toys are away in the garage, and no one is there to whisper into your ear at how wonderful you are (usually yourself) - the normal reaction is one of terrifying fear. You finally see that you are not as perfect or good as you thought you were. There is great irony in this moment in that while you feel terrified, there is nothing to actually fear, for at this moment, change from self to selfless can begin.
The problem is that the change seems to come in doses that are very small and infrequent in a world that continues to go full speed ahead with more and more of an instant gratification society. While humanity is getting a better grip on the externals of what life and materialism is about, I fear we are loosing more and more about humanity and the act of being humane to our fellow man.
I remember going to meetings with people to explain the idea of what the techcave live show technologies was about. People would ask, “What can you do with it?” We responded, “You can put anything you want in it.” Usually we would leave us frustrated and the others confused. We weren’t’ show producers, we were nerds and geeks.
Then one day, I was getting ready to leave Sausalito, California where a spent a year pumping in money for a supposed partner who turned out to be more about wanting to play with things than actually work on things. So as I was about to leave, a young creative I knew stopped by and I explained what the concept was and the problem about “what do we put into it?”
He shuffled through various sketchbooks and notes and looked up, “you know mark, and this show is about you.”
Something must have struck a chord as I drove across the country to Nashville, TN as it was the only place I found a sound strange inexpensive enough to try to test, but in each break and fuel stop, what came to be the basis for the show “you” was put on paper.
The irony is that the only thing that did not change in the show was the ending. The ending didn’t come till a few months later, but it was a computer graphics thrill ride that actually had an amazing message that needed no words at the ending.
Who knew that post 9-11 and the disaster that was on so many levels, would have me walking on a path where for the first time I had to go beyond the words on a paper, to actually look inside myself, strip off 40 years of things that had put me, how shall I say, off course in life?
I am thankful that at the time, the entire aforementioned image I mentioned about being able to see oneself happened at one time. I think with the change, if we were all able to see the full spectrum of what each of us has in our hearts, from the dark, to the white, most of us could not take it.
Instead, to get through each day, we all put up layers, some excuses, vices and habits to protect ourselves from too much change happening. The irony is the change can happen in a nanosecond to alter the course of ones life; usually it is through these moments of intense tribulation and pain that the greatest opportunity to change is available to us.
We are each, in effect, a sculpture in progress. Few will be finished with one stroke of the hammer upon the chisel, most of us will be perpetual moments where the place we hit and take off, mysteriously shows up again the next day as if nothing changed.
I guess I say this, as while I am not supposed to judge another, I remember this old man trying to saw wood at a farm I passed by at Christmas. I stopped to help him, the man said nothing, we sawed his wood up and he had enough for his fireplace. Each day I would pass by and wave at him. I appeared to be invisible to him. One day I asked someone, “What is up with the old man on the corner?”
it seems like everyone gives the same answere, “He is the rich old man. He has lots of money, but no one.”
Perhaps that is what happens if you don’t take the time to chisel away and refine yourself each day. Your heart looks like the image – a dried out bedrock stream of sedimentation where no more water runs through. A deserted place on this earth.