I had a moment yesterday when I was sitting on a bench with my wife looking over all the yellow raps (sp?) oil flowers. If you go to the home page, you can see a panorama of what they look like in blooming yellow. a woman and her little terrier dog came walking along the path, said hello, and a conversation started.
The woman taught in Thailand for 10 years and we immediately started talking about food and how we both missed the cuisine of Asia. we began contemplating the nuances of why some people eat “hot” food instead of “spicy” food. The American buffalo chicken wing is the best example I can think of. I wondered “why eat something that you can’t feel or taste anything after a bite?"
somehow the conversation turned to the passing of her young daughter, who at age 19 was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I felt a bit sorry, as I am told the hardest grief for anyone is when a parent looses his or her child before them. It still amazes me how people I know as strong have confided to me that amount of pain with the death of one of their children and how it does not go away.
As the woman spoke, she told her daughters journey and how the mother learned so much from how her daughter life closed down here, and opened up somewhere else. As she explained what her daughter told her of the journey, all I could do was let tears fall down my cheeks, for I understood what her daughter was explaining about “there is more than here” of which "the beauty and peace" is indescribable with words, even if we assembled a team of history’s best writers from all of the ages.
I have no words that can describe this place or what it is, how it feels. It is available to each of us if we want, but I do not think there is any formula to the experience, rather simply grace and perhaps a power far greater than us might give some different tastes of it to keep each of us going along in this life, when as a human, many times you want to give up and stop, go with the flow, have lots of fun, eat unlimited cheeseburgers and wash it down with a dozen donuts.
I have to paraphrase what the woman said, but before her daughters passing, she said she held her and she spoke, “mom, I am going home. It is ok. They said I did what I had to here.”
Many days I wonder, “why am I here?” If you count the errors and mistakes I have made in my life, I mention the only fear I now have is, “will I be invited back home?” when I pass along.
Perhaps that is why I get a bit worried with how man is behaving and what he believes. Perhaps that is why I get comfort in knowing there is a lot more going on that we can’t see in this universe. Perhaps that is why I love the inherent contradictions between science and spirituality. I still believe, one day, both will all point us to the same spot and we will all end up in the place of indescribable love and all look back and wonder “why did we all act so stupid with our time on earth?”
Perhaps that might be the lesson man is to learn once we get there?
Maybe one day I will write the tale of how a 3 year old touched so many people. Cades’ time here wasn’t very long, but my goodness he burned very bright.