yesterday i ran around and somehow was able to line up a whole bunch of meet and greets and goodbyes, pick up some supplies for what my relatives want in switzerland and work to get a document out that is about creating a brand, to folks that probably think it is simply a few scribbles on a paper, aka, a logo. i wish it was that simple, i would run to nike, coke, disney and charge a great deal of money and say, "stop! you don't need to do any of that marketing anymore! just cut it out and add the revenue to your profit margin!"
everything came to a head last night when i was invited to a restaurant by friends that was advertising a sunday special of "all you can eat sushi."
i tried to order this meal, while my friend wanted to order off the menu. i was told i could not have the all you can eat option. at first i thought the waiter was joking, or i was not hearing correctly. " what? i can't eat off your conveyor belt?"
the waiter was a nice guy, but he said, "no , all must all eat, "all you can eat" or nothing. you can't choose all you can eat table and order from the menu too."
the creator of the twilight zone, rod serling grew up in this town, so i started looking around the restaurant to see if they had a picture of him on the wall, even mr spock would have sufficed as i strained to see any logic in what i was being told.
i asked him to repeat it and for whatever reason i said, "so if i sit in the next table, not this one, not with my friend's i can eat off your conveyor belt?"
"yes, that is fine." he replied.
"but i can't eat the, 'all you can eat' here at this table with my friends because they are ordering off the menu?"
"yes, that is correct"
i made the mistake that always gets me in trouble, i asked, "why?" and "does that make any sense to you?" the manager came over and we repeated the dance again and i heard policy and rules and the "i am just the manager"
"if you were the owner of the business, would this rule make any sense to you?" maybe i was being a dick? perhaps i just wanted to not think i was insane? but the look in her eyes told me she understood what i was saying, but the college kids in town would come in and have four kids eating one buffet and hording the food and not paying for four, but one.
i looked incredulously at her, inside my brain, the events of the last week with the international corruption, the local social decorum of craigslist (i am trying to be polite, but has the collective IQ of on the site dropped 40 points in the past 20 years?) , and however else people are treating each other, had me look at my horrified dinner mates and look at the manager. all i could think was she must be thinking i would be passing the deacon of my church some mugaro when the waiter isn't looking. will his wife would wink at me as a code to pass some ebi under the table? i would fill my computer bag full of sushi and really get a bargain!
so i blurted out, "ma'am, do we look like sushi bandits?"
a business owner has the right to ask whatever they want from a consumer, but i never thought a sushi meal would come with conditions that rival every software license presented only after you sat down and were hungry to eat. "sir, you need to check the box on the menu to agree to the terms of eating at our restaurant, followed by 30 pages of legaleze."
"but i just want to eat some sushi"
"you have to leave if you don't agree with our 'term of sushi" agreement."
maybe the restaurant can implement profiling to weed out the sushi bandits? that would be much less expensive than me bringing in 20 of my friends with bottomless stomachs to demonstrate to the owner, "all they can eat."