When I found the quote by Cyril Connelly that is somewhere on the page by the cup of coffee image, i smiled, “Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”
When I read that quote, something inside me said, “Yes, go ahead and write, and put it out on the web, the odds are few to none will read it, but if one person enjoys it, so be it. The best place to hide something is right out in the open."
I also write because my normal day when I was single has modified to seem to fit more of a 9-5 life, of which, I think I am allergic to?
My brainstorm and meditation time is taking a beating in Switzerland. It is not that I don’t still do them – it is that people and life here seems to be far more regimented and structured than the spaces, companies and work I have done in the past.
My life has become a blur with work/live. Here, you have what feels like massive walls and barriers separating everything. I used to think this was good, but as I see technology changing and what will be possible in the future, I think “good luck trying to keep this way of life in place, unless you put massive walls up around the country you want to keep a certain way.”
One of the other benefits of writing is that it does relax me. For example, I am unaware of what I am typing and thinking about. I get to this place where I stare at something and type away. What I haven’t mastered is the ability for tight copy, good grammar, and proper spelling.
I think the best ideas seem to come out on the first try, like a sketch from an artist…it is rough, dirty, not clean and crisp, one can read or look at it and go in 100 direction with interpreting it, or changing it to make it better.
The last reason is that something inside me likes to type. One friend said writing is having a conversation with the reader. TO that, I apologize for how scattered the writing can be at times – but I am doing this to simply put out what is on my mind at a certain time, and space in time – it can all change tomorrow, nothing is locked in rigid rules except to try to love better.
A few weeks ago, I stumbled on a mathematical type formula with something as I worked through a seeming random series of button clicks on the web. I have spent the past few weeks testing and retesting the idea, all to come up with the base algorithm idea I need to take to a mathematician to turn into something universal.
The last reason I type is that each day I wake up in a foreign land, try to learn how to speak the language, am isolated and far away from friends and family. While my in-laws are great people, they live life that has been mapped out in ways that I see are very Swiss in nature. I am the American, of which, we don’t get much respect because of the way we deal with life, is very different than the Swiss. So my connection to the nerds and geeks in the lab, the brainstorm creation time with groups of creative’s, all suffers because I can’t speak the language.
Writing keeps me sane until the day I pray that I get to actually to speak well enough, perhaps almost native.
With my luck, god will say, “ok, time to move you around again…. that time in Switzerland to learn a lot of painful things about yourself needs more refining with iron and fire!”
Ahh…joy, joy, joy…that is what you get for trying to improve each day. It is a perpetual, dynamic and daily affair.